Depression Sucks

Author photo

Like, literally. Depression sucks joy, energy, motivation, hygiene, creativity, and the will to face one more day out of a person.

Depression isn’t the same thing as feeling sad. Sometimes, I do feel sad, though that is rare.

More often I feel heavy. Listless. Empty. Numb. My brain shuts down. I have a fairly high IQ, but depression sucks the smarts out of me.

My house is a wreck and depression sucks the will to fix it. I can’t seem to do an entire sink full of dishes in one sitting.

I can wash and dry my laundry but depression sucks my ability to take clean clothes from the dryer and put them away. Sometimes I manage to get the basketful of clean laundry to the bedroom, but there it stays.

Depression sucks my creativity. I’ve written entire books in my brain. But getting those words onto paper is nigh impossible.

Sometimes depression sucks my will to face another day. Sheer stubbornness keeps me from acting on suicidal ideation.

I am VERY stubborn.

People seem to want to read more about living with depression. I’ll be writing about it here and there. Feel free to ask questions or leave comments.

Thunder Ice

Icicle (author photo)

It’s still October, right? It is, isn’t it? It’s been hard to tell by the weather in the Texas Panhandle this week.

We’ve had Ice Rain and Thunder Ice. It hasn’t snowed. But everything is super frozen.

It’s strangely beautiful to see green things encased in ice. Like my fennel plant and small blades of grass.

fennel (author photo)
Tiny grass heads (author photo)

Green herbs (mint), kale, and tomatoes appear to be alive and well under glass.

mint (author photo)
kale (author photo)
tomatoes (author photo)

I drove through town on the way to the pharmacy and saw the explanation for our power outage. Trees are down, branches blocking the road, and electrical lines are frozen.

frozen world (author photo)
One of many downed trees. This one stayed in the yard. More were spread all over the street. (Author photo)
power lines (author photo)

Walking around the orchard and garden was beautiful. I’m fascinated by all the ice bubbles and icicles. Everything was dripping and crackling. Even the turkeys looked frozen.

SirSur (author photo)
PomPom (author photo)
SirSur and PomPom (author photo)
frozen weeds (author photo)
chicken wire (author photo)
Chicken wire (author photo)
Mulberry bush and trees (author photo)

It was beautiful for a few minutes. Then it was just cold. Chicken noodle soup, here I come!

New Site No Time

I’ve gotten a new website. And I keep telling myself I don’t have time to build it.

I have time.

I also have depression and find myself in a depression hole these days. I manage to keep up with my editing duties and occasional household chores but, beyond that, I’m not even working on my book.

It’s winter in October, here in the Texas Panhandle, which keeps me indoors. I don’t know if I also have Seasonal Affect Disorder. I do have a vitamin D deficiency and have to take supplements.

Ice rain in my driveway

I do get out every morning to feed and water the animals. I woke up to ice rain this morning. All the back doors (North Facing) were frozen shut. I had to go around the long way and slipped on an icy patch. I managed to stay upright, but pulled something in my neck.

It’s time for another cuppa and some streaming. When I’m in a depression hole, I can’t concentrate on reading. So I’m streaming How to Get Away With Murder and calling it research.

Til next time.